We build swag. Swag worthy of stealing.

Wanna sponsor some koozies for our event?

Wanna sponsor some koozies for our event?

No. No we don’t.
And, as a matter of fact, although I recognize cash is king. Theres no cash coming, either.

Cash is king. But he’d be forgotten before the check clears. IF the check clears.

You want us to support your wangdangdoodle? Throw up a table of trinkets and trash?


I know our contemptuous haters and competitors have sent you koozies, stress balls and cash. Then they don’t even show up. But they did send a box of koozie of the day, festooned with their logo.

Nice. Checkbook evangelism.
Koozie evangelism.

xxxx. That.
~~cursing redacted~~


That’s not our style.
‘Wanna sponsor some koozies for our event?’ You asked.
Heres how to get our help for your event-

Then throw one that matters to us.
Invite and incite us to play in your sandbox.

No. We’re NOT gonna sponsor some koozies for your event.

But we might or might not come in hot. Chock fulla the intimate, authentic, and unexpected.
Locally made moonshine, quirky shot glasses, elegantly laser etched with the penultimate easter egg. Whips, explosives, incendiary devices, knives, and lightly bombed jingle bell nipple clamps.


I dare you to ask about koozies. That’s bush league.
We came to win.
To change the world.
To shock and awe. That’s how stories are told here.
Koozie free.

Posted from WordPress for Android. Please excuse typos! Swype is good, except when it isn’t.

One Comment

  1. For you, #SSCL – Halestorm, “Daughters of Darkness” – these lyrics may apply. ITYKWIM.

    “We came to battle baby
    We came to win the war
    We won’t surrender
    Till we get what we’re lookin for
    We’re blowing out our speakers
    There goes the neighbourhood
    A little scissor happy
    Little misunderstood

    We can turn you on
    Or we will turn on you”